Here’s a scenario: it’s your boo thang’s birthday, you got the whole day planned out. Gifts on deck, dinner arrangements, a handwritten love letter to spark that once lit infatuation. What could go wrong? Maybe love really is blind, because now that the rain is gone, you can see clearly. As your significant other is sitting across from you, it occurs to you, they don’t know how to dress.
In the wise words of French Montana: Don’t panic. The good people at Agape Shoppe have been there, done that. So without further ado, here are some wardrobe malfunctions that signal your relationship is in the danger zone.
White Socks With Dress Shoes
It’s not a cardinal sin, therefore the best case would be if you caught your man wearing this at church; Jesus take wheel. At most, you’re looking at three Hail Mary’s. You’re in my prayers if you or a loved one are suffering from this condition, amen.
Danger Zone: Light. Recommend some dress socks and don’t put out until you get results.
Even in the midst of a hurricane, there’s no sex appeal with this. My grandma rocks the look while she’s gardening, need I say more?
Danger Zone: Pants alone, medium. With the right shoes (Crocs for example), it could be a category 5 mess. If it comes to that, I recommend couples counseling immediately.
Daylight Saving Jeans
Did y’all meet on Farmers Only?
Danger Zone: Medium. Some people dig ugly jeans, to each their own.
2016 Election Apparel
Misogynistic and tacky, with the end result being your bae in a “Lock Her Up” tee. Let’s say they’re on the other side of the political spectrum, wearing the “Not My President” tee; unfortunately, he is your president.
If you’re dating someone caught up in the Twilight Zone of politics, please jump on the 2020 campaign trail and cop your lover some updated gear.
Danger Zone: Mild. It’s rare to see couples in today’s political climate have polar opposite opinions. Chances are that you agree with your partner’s political views.
If I have to explain why, then it’s already too late for you.
Danger Zone: Severe. Please take the kids and leave before Child Services comes knocking on your door.
I’m not talking about sweats or shorts. I’m talking about the people you avoid eye contact with at Walmart. It takes years to be at this level of not giving a f%@k, you’re dealing with someone on the edge. Proceed with caution.
Danger Zone: Severe. PEOPLE WITH JOBS DON’T DRESS THAT WAY!